Monday, October 22, 2012

Ups and Downs

So after today I've decided to start reading the book  Hope For The Weary Mom yet again. I have so many issues. One is with anger which I guess can also be worded as frustration or stress.  I  think overall I am just burnt out from life, from trying to do too much.  I keep thinking that I'm supermom and that I can do it all and I even say the verse "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens" over and over in my head thinking that indeed I CAN do all things but I can't. I am weak, I am empty, I am lost. I keep trying to push on with homeschooling and when we have a good day I want to scream "OKAY I CAN DO THIS" then a bad day comes and I'm ready to throw in the towel.  The thing is I know I'm not alone.  It's hard because some homeschoolers say to keep it simple which is what I want to do but on the home front hubby thinks we need to have STRUCTURE and things need to be run just like he was in public school but I DON'T WANT THAT. Can I scream it out loud? I DON'T WANT THAT! There I said it.

So what is my struggle with homeschooling?  It's my son, while he is very bright and seems to be learning things quickly and easily he is very easily distracted.  I have tried moving from doing school at the kitchen table to the office but he still finds things to fidget with or focus on other than the task at hand. He can't sit still in his chair (which I understand, he is only 5 and 5 year old boys really do have ants in their pants), he can't look at one word and sound it out without becoming interested in a poster on the wall or feeling he has to look back in his book for where we might have read that word before or even looking forward to see how much more work we have to do.  Part of the problem with me (up until today) was that I was so busy focusing on what had to be done be it dinner or laundry or shopping that I wasn't focusing on the task at hand which was school I just wanted to get school done and be able to do what I wanted to do.  But today I made sure dinner was planned and there was nothing on the schedule that could take me from homeschooling.  I thought for sure school would go better now.  But NO...I was wrong.  Math was fine, a breeze really but phonics? It took us about 2 hours to get through 5 pages of work. I had to walk away twice before I blew a gasket.  Thankfully I did stay calm but I did air my frustration with Ethan.  How do you make a 5 year old realize that if they would just focus that the school work could be done and he could be off playing instead?

Well, tomorrow is a new day with new Consonant Digraphs to work on.  Thankfully there are two less pages to do than we had today.  I continue to breathe and pray.  When trouble surrounds me, chaos abounding my hope will rest in YOU. (Lyrics from one of my favorite songs, ALWAYS) My hope will rest in You Lord.

Praying for more UPS than downs.